The Wonder of Weight Watchers, hello anxiety and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

And a tray bake recipe of dreams

The Wonder of Weight Watchers, hello anxiety and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

The obsessive rituals started at secondary school. A perfect storm colliding with everything new. Change. A new home, new school, new man in mum’s life.

Change. Children of alcoholics don’t like change.

OCD craves certainty. So when faced with unknown circumstances the anxiety increases. Where was the control? A perfect storm was brewing.

Hormonally challenged, I had to find my new tribe at school aged 11, infiltrating established friendship cliques, all created at a previous primary school I had not attended. I was new, I was different and had to work hard on becoming accepted- making groups of four become five. I was also leaving and coming home to an empty house. The latchkey kid. Comfort of food was not there. No Nan. No sweet toasted tea cake waiting for me at 330pm, savoury, soft scrambled egg nestling, just cooked, on buttered toast.

It would be 4pm when I got home and I would be starving. So hungry, feeling like an ice cream scoop had carved out my insides. Feeling weak, empty and lonely for two hours from 4pm till 630 pm before mum came home and would cook dinner. This was my new normal. This is where the quick sugar fixes of biscuits, cakes, even frozen bread, would be shoved into my mouth to satiate that hunger. And then I would make myself sick. Guilt sick. Out of control. To regain the control.

So, I, unconsciously, established my own controls which came in the form of checking and counting.  In patterns of threes and sixes- hanging onto the front door, checking it was locked, pushing and pulling to the counting ritual. Often finding myself half way up the road and then coming back to check I had locked the door. The fear was that we would be burgled, it would be my fault and as I was the last to leave the house it was my responsibility. Until all the checks and counting had been completed to my level of safety I could not move on. As soon as I was on my bike on the way to school, the need for the controls left and the day would start. Being busy and taking action became a coping mechanism, and one I still use today. I still have to walk back and check I have locked the door when I leave the house. Action fought off the fear and the impending, self-imposed dread of the day. More of that later.  

The outward signs of these controls extended to taps being turned off so tightly it would take brute strength to release them. Same with lids on bottles. And stains on clothes – the continual seeking of reassurance that the stain would come out. Dabbing, scrubbing until it was not there.  These were the outside behaviours that others saw. But I don’t think mum, or anyone else for that matter, understood this. Just me being quirky. But they were mine, I made time for them and they made me feel safe. But these were just coping mechanisms. Ah coping, not dealing with the root cause. Again, more of that later.

The wonder of Weight Watchers

The beginning of bulimia was also becoming an issue. A cry for help. And a new pattern of behaviour. I was eating a lot of secretly bought cakes and sweets, as well as what we had at home, despite mum freezing them to stop me. But I simply ate them frozen. And was putting on weight despite making myself sick.  So, a second control came in the surprising guise of the Weight Watchers program, for children.  Mum did see I needed some help. She jokingly called me ‘her walrus’. Gosh, that it hard to write now. But, being part of a group, counting and tracking calories and portion control helped me. Control, glorious control.  Accountability and the weigh-ins fed into my need to succeed, be first, and lose the weight.  Also, being organised, and having a snack prepared to eat at the end of the school day before we would eat dinner. I loved the rules, the booklet, the validation stickers, the weekly weigh in the evening.  I was in control and did not deviate from the plan. It was all or nothing. My impulses were strong, I was on a plan, this fed my addictive personality in a good way. I lost weight and learned to eat healthily, making the right choices, coupled with learning to cook from scratch, learning to cook the classics in my weekly home economics lessons. More to come on that later.

Broccoli, tomatoes, onions, feta traybake with lemon, chili and cumin

A simple protein veg packed traybake. This is lovely. When you are hungry a quick fridge and a one pan supper is the solution. Packs a flavour punch, is low on calories- using a spray olive oil and serving with a simple salad. The rest of the family can bulk up and have rice, orzo, pasta or even potato wedges.

This also makes a perfect grab and go packed lunch as it stays in the fridge for at least a couple days! And when watching the calories is there, in the fridge, waiting for you to eat immediately on getting home. To stop the mindless snacking, I also make sure I have hard boiled eggs in the fridge - a protein punch which satisfies hunger and stops me reaching for the chocolate.

Broccoli, tomatoes, onions, feta and a hint of fresh lemon are seasoned with salt and pepper, tossed in olive oil, warmly spiced with cumin and chili flakes for a hit of heat. 5-minute prep, 20-30 minutes in the oven until nicely charred and tomatoes burst and blistered. Serve with pasta, rice or a green salad. Save and share the full recipe below! (You can replace feta with chorizo, halloumi and baby new potatoes as an alternative).

Serves 4-6. Can be easily increased to feed a crowd.

1 head of broccoli, stalks trimmed and cut into bite-size pieces

300 g cherry tomatoes 

1 small red onion, peeled, quartered and cut into 2-inch wedges

1 lemon, ½ cut into thin rounds and the remaining ½ left intact, for serving

3 tablespoons olive oil, plus more for serving (use a spray if counting calories - 1 tbsp of oil is a massive 120 calories)

1 teaspoon ground cumin

½ teaspoon red-pepper flakes

 salt and black pepper

2 x 200g blocks feta, cut into 1-inch slices

Cooked pasta, orzo or rice, for serving

½ cup fresh basil or coriander leaves and fine stems, roughly chopped (optional)

1.Heat the oven to 180c fan with a rack set in the lower third. On a sheet pan, combine the broccoli, tomatoes, onion and lemon slices with the olive oil and toss. Add cumin and chili flakes, season with salt and pepper, and toss again until evenly coated. Nestle the feta slices into the vegetables. (It’s OK if they break apart a little.)

2.Roast for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring halfway through but leaving the feta in place, until the broccoli is charred at the tips, the stems are easily pierced with a fork and the tomato skins start to blister and break down.

3.Serve over orzo, pasta or rice. And a green salad. Drizzle with olive oil and serve with the remaining lemon half for squeezing. Top with fresh herbs.